And so I wait....

Snow Day

2008-01-17T10:56:00.001-08:00

There's snow outside, which is a once-a-year experience here in South Carolina. Having spent the majority of my life in a part of the country that spends all Winter covered in white, I guess you could say I'm pretty cynical about snow. Granted there are worse things to be cynical about, but I've got to say that this time around I've somehow gathered a new-found appreciation for snow. Go figure.

I can remember building snowmen in the front yard for hours, until my gloves were soaked through and my hands had begun to go numb and turn a bright shade of red; driving to school, after a 2-hour delay, and keeping two wheels in the ditch to keep from sliding all over the place; and those unforgettable treks across the campus at Indiana Wesleyan, where you finally sat down in the classroom only to find that your hair was frozen solid and that the wind had literally cut your face. Those are the memories that I associate with Winter & snow. It's kind of sad, huh?

Then I moved here and everyone has this childlike wonder and infatuation with snow. All it takes is for the local meteorologist to mention the words "snow" or "winter storm" and the entire state goes into panice mode, bombarding every grocery store to stock up on the essentials, which oddly enough always consists of milk & bread. They don't even stop to listen to the remainder of the forcast in which they forcast a mere 1 inch of wet snow. They simply grab the keys, hit the local Bi-Lo and hope that schools will be cancelled. I still find this very entertaining.

But this morning as I was driving to work, with the 4 other "brave" souls on the roads, I began to see the beauty in the world of white. There really is something hopeful about a landscape completely covered with snow; everything is clean; everything is new. It hit me today just how exciting that can be. It's almost as if everything starts over, from scratch, with a clean slate. I've chosen to overlook the muddy, slushy mess that inevitabley follows, strictly for selfish reasons.

So today, amidst the whiteness, I choose to see the hope in starting over. I want to begin again, covering everything underneath, to let the newness of today and potential of tomorrow inspire my spirit and encourage my heart. I gotta say, today.....I love snow!

show off

2007-10-12T05:50:00.000-07:00

i was talking with a friend this week about prayer. she has recently begun a prayer journal in which she writes down specific prayer requests to take to the Father. some people have disagreed with her on doing this because they think that by praying for specific things you "put God in a box". i disagree with those people.

now, i don't consider myself a deep thinker or a theologian, but this is what i believe about my God.....

i think He loves for me to ask Him for specific things. i think he loves for me to trust him with the details in my life. i think he loves to meet my needs in such a demonstrative way that i have to KNOW it was Him that did it. i think that by praying specifically, it gives God a chance to show up and show off. and i think He loves to show off.

comfort in silence

2007-10-12T05:38:00.000-07:00

some may think me lazy when i say that i love to just sit.
i love to just be; just sitting with a friend in comfortable silence.
either one of you is at total freedom to speak or be silent. it doesn't matter which you choose.

this week i have had several of those moments of freeing silence:

one was broken by a friend's spoken desire to hear God speak.
she wanted to know that He is merely silent and not gone away.

one was broken by a friend's random thoughts about life.
she wants to find her place in this world; to find what she was born to do.

there were others, but i've come to appreciate all of them for just what they are.
to me, they are a small indication of the depth and comfort of a friendship.
you can't make those kind of relationships. they simply are.
i count myself blessed to have friendships that simply ARE.

paused

2007-10-04T11:41:00.000-07:00

it's been awhile....for whatever reason....

maybe it's because i didn't actually want to write down the thoughts that have been rolling around in my head....

maybe it's because i have had more important things to do than bear my sould for the world to see and read.....

maybe....just maybe....i've been in a place of peace.

i still don't know.

conflicted

2007-08-16T15:11:00.000-07:00

i can't for the life of me figure out why i continually doubt the person that i am. i know i'm not perfect. i know i've got flaws, a lot of them. i know there are things in my life that i need to change. i know i don't always treat people the way i should. i know all those things, but at the same time i know, deep down, that my life has value. i know that i am a good person. i know that my life matters. i know that i have so much to offer: i'm a good friend. i'm trustworthy. i love people wholeheartedly.

i know all these things. in my heart, i know them and don't doubt them; most days.

but for some reason, when someone fails to see me in the way i want them to, i begin to doubt everything about myself. i begin to compare myself to all these people that i'm nothing like and never will be like. i begin to think there's something wrong with me. i start to doubt my value at all.

i know my value is not tied to any other human. i know where my value lies. i know who defines and fulfills me in the deepest parts. i know in my heart who validates beka.

what i don't know is why it's so hard to get my head and heart to agree?
my heart says that He fulfills me, while my head says he does.
or maybe it's the other way around. i'm conlficted. that's all i know right now.
i hope and pray that one day we can call agree.

strange enough

2007-08-15T06:09:00.000-07:00

it feels the same way every time...

i get physically sick to my stomach. my legs feel weak. i find it hard to breathe normally.

you'd think that speaking in public would cause me to have this reaction. that or starting a new job. i don't think it's normal to have this response when you are merely speaking up for yourself.

when it's all said and done, i usually end up having some sort of false guilt or remorse. it's weird. i convince myself that i shouldn't have done or said what i did; like i don't deserve to share my thoughts or opinions with anyone. it's really weird.

last night i spoke my mind. i was still sick leading up to it and maybe a little while i was doing it, but strangely enough....

no guilt.
no remorse.
no self-loathing.

just a peace.
maybe that means i'm growing as a person.
maybe it's confirmation that i did the right thing.
maybe, just maybe.....

everything must change

2007-08-02T05:29:00.000-07:00

they say change is never easy.

i believe 'em. whoever "they" are.
but no matter how difficult change may be, it's inevitable.

so that's where i find myself again; at a place of necessary change.

i look around and see myself standing on a wall, balancing myself,
trying to keep from falling. i see what's on both sides of this wall that
i've had to construct and i know exactly which way i want to fall....

but the choice is not mine. it's yours. and you're gonna have to choose.
for both our sakes: you've got to choose!
if you want me on your side of the wall, let me know so i can fall straight to you.
if not, then tell me now so i climb over the other side..

until you're out of sight. forever.

as long as i can see you i won't leave this place. and it's starting to rain.

bothered

2007-07-11T10:05:00.000-07:00

this past week i have gotten back into the habit of running, for two reasons:

1. it makes me feel better about myself

2. it helps counteract the process that happens when i choose not to run

anyway, i was running last night on a pretty busy road when the most bothersome thing happened. as i was running, i heard a horn honking. now it's not that i'm vain enough to think they were honking at me, but for some reason it's a natural response to look when you hear a horn honk. so, that's what i did and as i looked over my shoulder i saw an suv driving by, with a skinny teenaged kid behind the wheel, flipping me off with both hands.

i don't know why it bothered me so much, but it did for some reason. i wasn't doing anything but running down the road, minding my own business, trying to burn a few calories. seriously? you're flipping me off? what's the world coming to!?!?!?!

2007-07-09T09:09:00.000-07:00

Okay, so I just read online that the NAACP is holding a funeral for the "N" word, complete with hearses and processionals waving banners that say, "Death to the 'N' word". Are they serious?

I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but as long as you have songs on the radio that freely use the "n" word, it will continue to be accepted and repeated in our culture.

What really frosts my gizzard is the fact that you have some people enraged because the word is still used and yet, they themselves are the ones that continue to make it common vocabulary. It is the skinny white kid, singing along with Kanye West about, "I ain't sayin' she's a golddigger/but she ain't messin' with no broke ni**a", that feels the brunt of the outrage. Then there's this whole idea that as long as the "n" word is used in appropriate circles in the desginated environment, then it's okay. Or the ever famous "ghetto pass" that allows you to use the word as well. Talk about double talk and double standards. And don't even get my started on the proposed differences between the word "ni**er" and the word "ni**a"!

Either use the word or don't use the word. How can you expect some redneck in West Virginia not to use the word, when you use it yourself? How can you really expect to "kill" a word that is still alive and thriving in pop culture, especially when you continue to breath life into it every single time you say it? You can't!

Maybe they should bury the NAACP instead. Just a thought.

someone else's words.....

2007-06-28T08:54:00.000-07:00

sometimes....someone else can say it better!

I keep your picture by my bed
for when im feeling sad
and i dont know why i would be.
the way your smile looks so real
i feel like i could start to understand your grace.
and i dont understand why you'renot here with me.
and i dont even wanna know where else you'd be.

cause i have photographs and memories
of the timeswhen you weren't on my mind and i was alone.
and i have poetry and drawings of my life
when you weren't on my side
and i didn't knowjust what is love...

writing moments on the wall with different colors
keeps my mind away from missing you.
and i can't wait to fall asleep
to slip into my dreams
where we can dance upon a star..

and i will be as patient as a [girl] in love could ever be.
cause i don't feel like i was real
until you were a part of me.

i need you back, i need you back
i need you here.
i need your smile,
i need your eyes

~Jason Reeves

lessons learned

2007-06-22T05:18:00.000-07:00

It's amazing to me just how quickly your life can change; how with one decision, everything about your life can be completely altered. Sometimes that alteration can bring a negative outcome, but then there are other times when your life is bettered and enriched simply because of a spontaneous choice that you made. That's where I am. I look back on the past two years and am utterly amazed at the path my life has taken and feel totally blessed to find myself where I am today. It's been an amazing two years and I can honestly say, in hindsight, that I wouldn't change a thing. The lessons have been painful and eye-opening, but worth it. Completely worth it. Not assuming that anyone else will learn from my life, let me share what I've learned.

1. Change is never easy and it scares the crap out of you most of the time, but there isn't anything that can happen to you that you can't overcome or endure. So, embrace it. Don't shy away from the unknown because you're afraid. You never know what could be on the other side. It may not feel like you have the courage or strength to get to the other side, but if you push through the fear and uncertainty.....you WILL make it to the other side. And not to sound to elementary, but you can't possibly know or anticipate what's on the other side until you, yourself, are on the other side. So embrace change.

2. Learn from every person and situation you come in contact with. People come in and out of our lives every day and no matter who they are or how long you know them, they can teach you something about yourself or people in general. Some people may simply come into your life for a season, to help you grow or push you outside of your comfort zone. Some people come into your life and unexpectedly change it forever. The point is, you never know. So embrace people.

3. You can't get along with everyone. We're all different, with different personalities and quirks, and that's okay. Different isn't bad, but different is different. No matter how hard you try, there are just some people that you are not going to "jive" with. That doesn't mean that you're ugly or hateful to anyone, it just means that some people are destined to be our acquaintances, some will be our buddies, and some will be our friends. But no matter what, we learn from people. We learn how to adapt, we learn how to treat others, and we learn how not to treat others. We learn things about ourselves that we might otherwise have never known and we learn just who we are in relation to other people. The point is, you can't get along with everyone so don't beat yourself up trying to. Live your life loving people, but know that not everyone is going to love you back and not everyone will even want your love. Love them anyway. Loving people doesn't always mean that you love to be around them or that you even like them, but it does mean you extend grace to them.

4. Life is too short to quibble over things that do not matter. What matters is living a life that pleases Jesus. The things that I do or don't do aren't predicated by the opinions or viewpoints of other people. My life choices are made with one persons approval and opinion in mind and His opinion is ultimately all that matters. Not everyone will agree with the choices I make and that's okay. They don't have to agree, but my life is not dictated by other people. In the same manner, I may not agree with the choices other people make, but again....it's not up to me. So, don't live your life trying to please other people because you never will. Inevitabley, you will let someone down. It's a fact of life. All you can do is live your life in a way that would be pleasing to the One who gives you life at all.

5. We have been given a limited amount of time on this Earth and it is up to us to use the time we've been given wisely. It's very easy to get into this comfortable state of mind and simply coast along in life, waiting for things to happen, and simply taking up space. I've been there the past couple of months. I have this idea in my mind of what my life should look like and because my current life looks nothing like that right now, I feel the need to simply sit around and wait for it to morph into what I want it to be. Two things I've learned for sure: my idea of what my life should look like is irrelevant, and what my life journey looks like is ultimately not up to me at all. I have found myself recently just coasting, stagnant and purposeless and I don't like it. So I make a choice. I make a choice to live; to invest in other people; and to use the time and talents I've been given. Whatever is going to happen is going to happen, but in the meantime I might as well do something with my life. I don't think you're really living until you do that anyway.

I can call those pearls of wisdom, but only because they're mine. There have been other lessons I've had to learn that were more introspective and painful and there have been others that were superficial and enjoyable, but I've learned something from all of them. I've grown more over the past two years than I have in my entire life so far. That's a good thing.

I'm thankful.
I'm blessed.
I'm encouraged.

2007-06-06T08:35:00.000-07:00

Since my last post.....

1. I'm another year old and arguabley wiser.

2. I made my first trip of the summer, to the beach in Charleston.

3. I'm still trying to figure out what I'm doing with my life.

Nothing too exciting, but a post nonetheless. Til next time.....

I guess Spring is here....

2007-04-22T14:47:00.000-07:00

The weather outside today is amazing. It's close to eighty degrees and with the warm weather comes a shift in the overall attitude over every single person affected. The sunshine just seems to put everyone in a better mood, make them happy, and give them this cheerfullness that doesn't exist until Spring arrives. It's almost as if with the new life brought by Spring comes a new life in the hearts of people. They are quick to dust off the strollers and go for walks down crowded subdivision sidewalks. Blankets are spread on the grass and covered with newly-committed readers of classic literature. Wool coats and boots are traded for shorts and a pair of flip-flops. When spring arrives, we all seem to come out of hibernation and begin our life again.

Today, as I sit and watch the people walk by the windows with smiles on their faces, enjoying the sunshine, I find myself unable to join them in their new-found joy. My heart hurts. It's still in one piece, thankfully, but it hurts. The sunshine outside can't seem to warm the chill I feel inside or heal the ache in my heart. I can't quite figure it out, but it feels like my heart is still curled up in a cave somwhere, sleeping off the Winter, unaware that Winter has come and gone and left Spring in its wake.

Mostly Dead

2007-04-15T14:18:00.000-07:00

In the movie The Princess Bride, there is a scene where Inigo and Fezzik carry their friend Westley's body to the home of Miracle Max, in the hopes that Miracle Max can bring their friend back to life. To their surprise, Max tells them that he can bring Westley back to life, but only if he is "mostly dead" instead of "all dead". According to Miracle Max, " There's a big difference between mostly dead and all dead. Mostly dead is slightly alive."

I have only recently begun to think that his statement is more than just a quote from a classic film. Perhaps there really is a difference between "mostly dead" and "all dead". Maybe what I thought I killed and buried was never "all dead". Maybe it was still slightly alive.

I killed my dream months ago. I chose to take the life from it and put it in the ground, accepting the idea that it would no longer live inside my heart. I willfully chose to cover it up and walk away from something that had been a huge part of me for years. In my mind, I killed it. It's funny though, how "killing" something can be so hard. I don't mean the act of "killing", because that is never easy. I'm talking about killing something and knowing that it's "all dead".

Anytime you hear someone refer to death, it is done with this unspoken sense of completion or finality. When something dies, it ceases to live. Those affected by the death continue to mourn, but that which is dead remains dead and offers up no emotions or feelings. That's not the case here for me and my "dead" dream.

I had every intention of killing it, burying it and walking away to move on with my life, but it's not completely dead. At least, I think that's what the problem is. It's almost as if it continually stands back up and reminds me of the life it could have had. It seems to directly torment me.

So then what do I do? My only answer is to kill it again; kill it every day until it is no longer able to speak to me or visit my thoughts. I have to make sure it is "all dead". This however is not an easy task considering the fact that I never wanted to kill it in the first place.

grace

2007-03-21T10:34:00.000-07:00

is anyone else out there complete baffled by the mere idea of grace?

the idea that someone could extend love & forgiveness to someone who, in your mind, deserves anything but that?

is there any hope to think that i will ever be able to do the same to those in my life who continually hurt and disappoint me?

i guess that's what makes it grace. the fact that i could never do it in my own power. the fact that it has to come from somewhere/Someone else.

i can try, but i still don't get it. i guess i can only hope to give it!

401K

2007-03-16T06:35:00.000-07:00

So today I finally filled out my 401K information. The man from John Hancock had seriously been hounding me for two weeks to fill it out. I don't know why it took me so long, probably because all of that jargon is completely foreign to me. I hate to admit it, but I am clueless when it comes to stuff like that. I hate that I am ignorant when it comes to investments, stocks, interest rates. What's a girl to do? I guess I should just go out and buy "401Ks For Dummies". Maybe then I'd fully understand the paperwork I just filled out.

F.Y.I.

2007-03-05T13:24:00.000-08:00

Toilet Paper....

1. Should not be sold in single ply. Never! I think we've come far enough with modern technology that it shouldn't even be manufactured anymore.

2. Should always come over the top of the roll. This prevents late-night battles, in the dark, with a toilet paper holder, trying to find the end of the infernal thing. All you want to do is go pee and get back into bed without having to open your eyes. And the way this is accomplished: over, not under!

Thank you for your time!

conflict

2007-03-04T21:07:00.000-08:00

confrontation is not my thing. never has been. never will be. i deal with conflict by denying that there is one and pretending like there never could be one. neither one of these responses is healthy and i'm fully aware of that. but the alternate response, which is the healthy response, makes me want to poke myself in the eye. hard. i know this is something i've got to work on, but for now i feel like i would rather walk around blind in one eye.

Seriously?

2007-03-01T12:23:00.000-08:00

There was a story on msn.com today that caused me to say, out loud, "Seriously?"

The headline was something along the lines of: "10 Women Who Inspire Us & 10 Women Who Make Us Cringe". They started with the women who inspire us and rightly so. The list included Dr. Ruth Simmons who became the first African American woman to head an Ivy League University (Brown) and Kelly Perkins, who is a heart transplant survivor. There were others on the list who truly did foster some sense of admiration and inspiration on my part. I thought to myself, "this was a really nice article". That was until I read further and discovered the women that they declared as making us cringe.

The first woman listed was Paris Hilton and let's be honest, they're right. I don't feel the need to expound. Also on the list were rehab-bound Lindsay Lohan and Brittany Spears. Yes! Again, worthy of inclusion. But after beginning the list with those three, they go on to pretty much list seven women who have openly, or through prose, opposed the left-centered world in which we live. Ann Coulter. Granted, she can be a bit abbrasive at times, but cringeworthy? I don't think so. She merely speaks her mind, which happens to be a conservative, Christian, FOX news kind of mind. Also on the list were authors Phyllis Schlafly and Marabel Morgan who have done nothing but promote the profession of stay-at-home-moms. Seriously? These women are cringeworthy?

What's wrong with America?

I can think of a few women who really make me cringe: Hillary Clinton. Nancy Pelosi. Susan Sarandon. Rosie O'Donnel.

My cringe-reflex must be a little different. That's all I can say. Seriously!

Enlightened

2007-03-01T06:51:00.000-08:00

Last night, while watching tv, I stumbled across a concert being broadcast on the local public television network. Normally I wouldn't stop on that station, but then again they are normally airing old reruns of Mr. Roger's Neighborhood or Sesame Street. This time however, I was instantly intrigued. The concert was of a group named Celtic Woman and they had me hooked from the first note I heard.

I'm a music junkie. I pretty much love it all, but last night I was further introduced to a genre of music that up until that point had escaped my attention: traditional Celtic music. I've heard a lot of music, live and recorded, and I do not exaggerate when I say it was the most angelic thing I've ever heard. The group is comprised of five Irish women and one woman from New Zealand and they perform tradional and modern songs. The woman from New Zealand plays the violin and skips around the stage like a pixie while the five Irish women blend their voices together in song like nothing I've ever heard. It was awesome!

I loved it so much that I'm now planning on attending their concert when they come to Charlotte and have already purchased their latest cd off of iTunes. It was that good. And if you appreciate music at all, I highly suggest that you check this group out and embrace the angelic sounds of Celtic Woman.

13 miles

2007-02-19T13:39:00.000-08:00

this past weekend marked the completion of my second mini-marathon. i never thought i'd live to see the day, but i actually enjoy running and enjoyed running 13.1 miles yet again. granted, it was a frigid 26 degrees when we began the race at 6:30 am, but that quickly passed and i settled into my rhythm. 2 hours and 17 minutes later, i crossed the finish line alongside my new-found friend Andrea. it sounds crazy to some people to voluntarily run that long of a distance, but there's something completely exhilerating about crossing that finish line. i enjoyed it so much, i've signed up for yet another mini-marathon. this time i'll be headed to louisville, kentucky and joining melissa mott in the kentucky derby festival mini-marathon. call me crazy, but sometimes we fail to enjoy things because we are deterred from trying them. never again!

abnormal attachment

2007-02-19T13:35:00.000-08:00

today my heart sank. and when i say it sank, i mean it felt like it literally slid down my legs and into my feet.

what prompted such a response you might ask?

for a brief minute, i thought my ipod was dead.

it turned out not to be dead and my heart rejoiced. i'm not sure this kind of attachment to an electronic device is normal, but my heart rejoiced either way.

simple ambition vs. world-changing mission

2007-02-13T06:02:00.000-08:00

For anyone that attends, or has attended, Indiana Wesleyan University, you have undoubtedly heard the phrase "world changer". It was my junior year of college when this phrase because the mantra of the entire campus. Everyone chapel session or commencement ceremony somehow incorporated the term and we were all challenged to be world changers. I must confess that up until recently the term grated on my every nerve. Maybe because it was repeated over and over in every class, by every professor. Maybe it was because it was printed on every banner or sign that hung around campus. Whatever the reason, it annoyed me. That was, until this past Sunday.

The past several months at church we have been working our way through the Upper Room Discourse in John. I must for a minute sing the praises of the expository teaching that comes from the pulpit at Southside Fellowship. Awesome! It is through that teaching that I have grown enormously over the past two years. I'm so thankful for that fact. This past week dealt with John 17: 17-19 where Jesus is praying to His Father and asking Him to "Make them holy—consecrated—with the truth" and acknowledging that this will be accomplished when He, himself, is made holy through His death on the cross. The odd thing is that verse 17 deals with sanctification/holiness and so does verse 19. However, sandwiched between the two is verse 18, which deals with mission: our mission. This clearly points to the fact that the two are directly related.

In John 17:18, Jesus says, "In the same way that you gave me a mission in the world, I give them a mission in the world." So what is the mission that He has given me in the world?

The mission Jesus had was to make much of God the Father; to glorify Him so that others would see Him for who He truly is. Is that my mission? I think so. As Christ-followers, our mission in this world should be to make much of God; to put Him on display; to glorify Him so that the world will see Him for Who/What He truly is.

The example was given on Sunday of the lofty ambitions of children. Ask any child what they want to be when they grow up and they will undoubtedly answer back with a doctor, a lawyer, a fireman, a teacher, or some other occupation that would allow them to help people and make a difference in this world. Never have you heard a 5 year old boy say that he wants to push paper when he grows up. Never. This is because as children we have not been overtaken with cynicism and still embrace the God-given desire in us to change the world around us. Children don't want to live their lives for themselves. They want to live it for others; to help others. So what happens as we grow up? We somehow lose that child-like ambition and begin to focus on ourselves and live our lives trying to get ahead, stay ahead, and make a name for ourselves. This is not what God intends for His children.

Our mission, as children of God, should be to change our world by making much of Him. Our mission should be to live our lives in such a way that it puts God on display and creates a desire in the world to want what we have. Our mission should be to change our world. I am the first to admit that this has not been by life's ambition. I've always wanted to do the right thing and live my life for Christ, but that's not enough for me anymore. It was not enough that Jesus merely come to Earth and live a good life. He gave it all to change the world. He gave His life away for others, putting His Father on display, and showed the world what God was really like. Jesus changed the world and completed His mission. The same mission He has given to me, He completed. So then how will I respond to my mission? How will you respond?

Will we embrace our world-changing mission or settle for simple ambition?

I'm a runner

2007-01-22T16:38:00.000-08:00

For those of you that don't know, I decided last year to run another half-marathon. After I made that decision, I found a half-marathon in Myrtle Beach and signed myself up. I thought that if I was going to run 13.1 miles, it might as well be somewhere fun and warmer, like Myrtle Beach. So I signed up, talked several freinds into doing the same and began training last Thanksgiving. Now, I've never been a runner and have actually always hated running, so paying money to run seemed like a pretty good motivator to train. It was! I've been training for a little over two and a half months now and the race is actually less than a month away and to be honest, I'm actually a fan of running now. Go figure! It really is therapeutic for me these days. Anyway, despite my new found love of running I was still hesitant to label myself "a runner". That was until this past Saturday when I, with my roommate Erica and neighbor Troy, ran 15 miles. You read that right people: 15 miles! I think if anything gives me the license to say I'm a runner....it's the fact that I ran 15 miles, without stopping, in a little over two hours. Yay! I'm a runner!

we so crazy.....

2006-12-24T19:48:00.000-08:00

air travel

2006-12-24T19:27:00.000-08:00

i had a whirlwind trip this weekend. i'm not complaining, because i was able to go to wisconsin and spend Christmas with my family, but it was taxing to say the least. it was, however, less exhausting then it would have been had i tried to drive all 800 miles in one day. God bless air planes! i am truly fascinated by airplanes and how they actually get off the ground and stay off the ground and just how amazing it is that you can travel across the country in just a few hours. it really is an unbelievable idea to me, but with the positives that exist within the whole realm of air travel there are also some huge negatives: thus the impetus for the following blog...

1. why is it that people feel the need to yell and scream at the airline workers, who ultimately have nothing to do with delayed flights or missed connections? i get frustrated just like anybody else when my flight is delayed three hours or when i sprint from one end of the airport to the other only to arrive just as the plane is pulling away from the jet bridge, but i've never taken out that frustration on the innocent woman behind the counter whose sole responsibility is to announce the beginning of the boarding process and scan my little boarding pass. why do some people think that will help the situation? this baffles me!

2. why do some people wait until they get on an enclosed airplane to pass gas? there's a bathroom at the back of the plane, small as it may be, that was designed for such things. why then do some people then think it won't bother anyone else on the small plane to smell their body odors? this disgusts me.

3. why are there those people who, as soon as the plane lands and rolls to the terminal, they jump out of their seat and stand in the aisle for 10 minutes thinking that they will be able to get off the plane sooner? it's not like they can get off the plane until they open the door and it's not like you won't have to wait for your luggage to roll down the conveyor at baggage claim just like everybody else, right? so what's the hurry? this makes no sense to me!

there you have it. ramblings from a holiday traveler. take it or leave it1

heartbroken

2006-12-09T15:52:00.000-08:00

i got another call tonite from a heartbroken friend.

something about hearing my friend, crying over some boy who failed to see just what a good thing he had, makes me a little angry.

and a little more thankful that heartbreak doesn't know my name......yet!

mascara

2006-12-07T18:27:00.000-08:00

has anyone else ever noticed the utterly vile stench that escapes into the air every time you open a tube of mascara? what is that horrid smell? does anyone know?

i don't know why i never noticed it before, but this morning i dry heaved after experiencing the funk that is mascara. i'm not sure if it's just my particular mascara of choice that smells this way, but it honestly smelled like roadkill or rotten garbage, or maybe rotten roadkill garbage. either way, it stunk to high heaven. (side note - i've never really understood that phrase "stink to high heaven")

i think i shall research mascara and what could possibly go into it that could replicate a smell only comparable to a dead oppossum on the side of a country road in mid-july!

annoyed

2006-12-05T17:55:00.000-08:00

two things annoyed me today. well, at least two things are fresh in my memory as having annoyed me today.

#1 - when you're driving on, let's say, a three lane highway, is it not common knowledge that the far right lane is for the slow pokes and old folks, the middle lane for the even-keeled folks too cautious to exceed 5 miles over the speed limit, and the right lane for those of us who choose to risk a hefty speeding ticket in order to arrive at our destination only one or two minutes quicker? then why, do semis insist on forcing middle lane dwellers into the pokey right lane, when they are provided the left lane to simply go around us? not sure why, but this seriously annoyed me tonite on my way home from work.

and....

#2 - DICK VITALE! is he not the most annoying man on the planet!! (i refrain from using a question mark here since it is an undisputable statement, in my book) it's as if he think anyone tuning into espn to watch a game doesn't really want to watch the game as much as they want to hear him spew off at the mouth for three hours. and i do mean, spew off at the mouth. it's sad when you must mash the mute button on the remote and watch the jimmy v classic without sound to keep his shrill bark of a voice from ruining the game. again, not sure why, but this also annoyed me immensely tonite.

more later.

Changes

2006-11-22T12:04:00.000-08:00

So it seems like so much has happened since the last time I posted. I guess that's probably because it has. Since my last post I have a new job, a new apartment and a new enthusiasm about "growing up". It's funny, because just a few weeks ago I was writing about my job interview from hell and how my "make-believe" job was quite satisfactory to me. The truth is, I knew down deep that I had to make some changes in my life, but I was unsure as to when and how that was going to happen. If I've learned anything over the past year it's that I'm not in the driver's seat of my life. So it is no surprise to me when God steers me in the complete opposite direction I was headed. In a two-week period, He opened the door for me to vacate the roach motel and move into a condo with my new-found friend Erica and also opened the door for an "office job" and practically shoved me through it. I interviewed and accepted the job in the same day and it was a tremendous blessing. I guess it's what I termed earlier: a real job. I work 8:30 to 5:30, have a 401K and full insurance! Woohoo! I can't tell you how excited I am to get my teeth cleaned. Ecstatic! So my life is changing and it encourages me to once again see that my Father knows what I need and gives it to me just when I need it and not when I think I need it. I look forward to this next phase of my life-journey. I have no doubt that it will be anything but predictable!

that time of year

2006-11-15T15:08:00.000-08:00

leaves changing
pumpkin milkshakes
family time
sweatshirt weather
green bean casserole
remembering to be thankful
basketball season

i love fall!

Only Make Believe

2006-11-03T08:48:00.000-08:00

This past week I attempted to acquire, what some call, a "real job". This term confuses me really. If you don't have a "real job" then what do you have? What's the opposite of a "real job"? Is it a "make believe job"? Well, if what I went through this past week is what qualifies as a real job, I would happily live forever in the land of make believe.

I stumbled across the job posting on one of my many visits to monster.com and thought to myself, "Why not!". It was worth a try, even though there really wasn't a full job description listed. So I sent my resume and got a call the next day wanting to set up an interview. It's always a confidence booster when someone is interested in the qualities you have to offer, so I scheduled the preliminary interview for Monday afteroon.

This is where my first crisis occurred. My sisters were quick to inform me that it was an absolute necessity to wear a business suit to the interview. This wouldn't have posed a problem at all if I actually owned a business suit, but my life is not that easy. So I had no choice but to go out and drop some serious coin on a business suit that I was confident would never be my favorite article of clothing. I then had to buy new shoes to accesorize said business suit. The cost of this interview is quickly rising. After I've purchased my new suit and shoes, I show up Monday morning for my preliminary interview which ends up lasting a mere ten minutes. Couple the speedy interview with the fact that none of the other applicants were wearing business suits and needless to say, I was a little annoyed and frustrated. However, I was called later that night to set up a secondary interview for the next day and began to feel a little bit better about the situation.

Now I must preface this next paragraph by saying that the only thing I was told about my secondary interview was to be there at nine-thirty, bring a notebook, and wear business professional attire. And that's exactly what I did. I showed up fifteen minutes early, with my notebook in tow, wearing my business suit and the cutest/most uncomfortable shoes in the world! After arriving at the office, I am then introduced to my "trainer" for the day who I will be shadowing for the next eight hours. Now this is where the first red flag flies up in my mind. See by this time I've discovered that this is a sales position and involves face-to-face advertising, which is a fancy way of saying door-to-door sales. So as I'm told I will be shadowing a door-to-door salesman for eight hours, it's as if I can hear my cute/uncomfortable shoes begin to laugh in that evil, menacing movie villain tone. The next red flag flies up when my trainer says as we walk to the car, "I hope you're wearing comfortable shoes because we're going to do a lot of walking today."

"Are heels ever comfortable?", I reply. No response.

So now we're in the car and I find myself tuning out everything he's saying about market strategies and focusing on my feet, that are already begin to throb at the thought of what's in store for the rest of the day. As he shuts off the engine I look out the window and my stomach turns as I realize where we are and what's about to happen. We are at a shopping center. A strip mall, if you will. A very LARGE strip mall with an even LARGER parking lot. There's another red flag!

One hour into the shadowing process I hesitantly look down at my feet and realize exactly what has begun to happen: these cute/uncomfortable shoes have literally begun to rub my feet raw! Now I don't get queasy at the site of blood, but as I saw the blood beginning to trickle down my heel, I did begin to panic a little since we've only been out here for an hour. Luckily I have a couple of band-aids in my purse that temporarily help the situation, but three hours later they too have been rubbed off, just like the skin on the back of my heels. So here I am, bloody heeled, with three hours left of what can only be classified as self-inflicted torture. It was at this point that my trainer offers to let me wear a pair of his tennis shoes for the rest of the day. Does he realize how uncute that would look? If I didn't care about looking cute I would have worn a more comfortable pair of shoes to begin with. I decline his offer and continue limping from store to store, thankful for my extremely high pain tolerance level, but beginning to wonder just how high it actually is. Unwilling to admit that I'm hurting, I continue to hike across the asphalt, counting the seconds until I can throw these cute/uncomfortable shoes in the garbage and be done with this nightmare. Three hours later - it's over!

What made the nightmare even more excruciating was the fact that I knew an hour into the day that I wouldn't take the job even if they offered it to me. And they did! And I declined the position. I limped out of that office, one painful step at a time, thankful for my "make believe job" that pays my bills the same way a "real job" would and that I actually enjoy!

Dave Barnes

2006-11-03T07:14:00.000-08:00

So Dave Barnes was in town last night. Needless to say, I was ecstatic. And thanks to the wonderful world of myspace I got into the concert free, worked at his merch table, and got a free cd. And oh yeah....got to meet the man afterwards. If you've never been to a Dave Barnes concert.....GO! And if by some unacceptable reason you've never heard his music...CHECK IT OUT!!!! He's awesome and puts on a great show. It's funny how every time I go to a concert like that, I find myself thinking about how much I would love to be the one on stage singin my songs. Maybe someday soon!

My latest revelation

2006-10-08T14:44:00.000-07:00

After a year of living in a new place virtually alone, minus immediate family, I have struck upon something that I had always heard but never truly understood.

The past year I have been forced, and I mean forced in a good way, to personalize the statement that God calls me His friend. I had heard that from childhood, but never really "got it". It's funny to me how we naively think that friendship with God can't be like our friendships with others people. For the longest time that's exactly what I thought and how I lived my life. God was God, who sat up in heaven and listened to me when I prayed, but not someone I felt the need to cultivate a friendship with. And why was that? I did just the opposite with my other friends. I would call them on the phone just talk about my day, good or bad. I would send them notes in the mail just to let them know I was thinking about them and how blessed I was by their friendship. I would make special trips to go see them. I did everything in my power to cultivate that friendship and keep it alive across the huge distance of time and miles. But when it came to my relationship with God, it wasn't anything close to a real friendship. And the sad thing is that even through my years of living my life without a true friendship with Jesus Christ, He still called me His friend. He continually pursued me, wanting a deeper relationship with me, wanting to cultivate a genuine an out-of-this-world friendship. And I seemed to turn a deaf ear to His pleas. So as He always does, He moved me 1,000 miles from my family and friends, and placed me in a situation where I would be forced to rely on Him and His friendship. And I am so very glad that He did.

This past year has been an amazing time of relationship with my Jesus, who is now my very best friend. I've never honestly been able to say that He is my best friend. But He truly is. He has been the one over the past year that I have talked to every day about what I was feeling and what was going on in my life. He has been the one that I have grown to appreciate everything about and the one that I feel so blessed to have in my life. He has become not just my God, but my best friend. And isn't He really the ultimate friendship. "Greater love has no man than this, that He lay down His life for His friends" - That was Him! He is the friend that sticks closer than a brother and I've learned that valuable lesson over the past year.

He is the only friend I need, but graciously He also blesses my life with wonderful, earthly friendships that give me the opportunity to mirror His kind of friendship. The wonderful thing is that as I come out of a year of being alone with my God, I am even more blessed and thankful for the new friendships He is allowing me to make. I only hope and pray that I am able to be the kind of friend that He has been to me.......now there's something to shoot for!

Hilton Head

2006-09-28T18:05:00.000-07:00

This past week I had the opportunity to drive down to Hilton Head and catch up with old friends once again. I am continually amazed by just how blessed I am to call so many wonderful people my friends. This trip it was time to catch up with Beth & Jason Boyer and the entire Reoch clan: and I mean the ENTIRE Reoch clan, all 19 of them. It had been about four years since I'd seen Beth's family and a year since I'd last seen Beth, Jason, and Tori. The added bonus this time was that I got to meet little Micah James Boyer. What a cutie! We snapped this photo out on the beach.

It was a great weekend and I was once again reminded of just how much my friends mean to me. God has been so good to me and He continues to show His goodness to me day after day!

A Thought

2006-08-31T11:33:00.000-07:00

I'm no engineer or architect. I do not even presume to believe that I know even a fraction of what it might take to design a large building or plan the construction of a major highway or interstate. However, after my attempted trek through the city of Chicago several weeks ago, via I90, I must attack the idiot that not only thought up that interstate system, but more importantly that moron who decided it was a good idea to begin contruction on a10 mile stretch of one of the busiest roads in the country. It is not a normal thing for it to take three hours to drive from one end of the city to another. Not only is it abnormal, it is RIDICULOUS! I raise my voice again and proclaim that "You could not pay me to live in that Windy City"!

Dirty Jobs

2006-07-18T19:15:00.000-07:00

I'm thinking of writing into the Discovery Channel and asking Mike Rowe to come out and experience with me one of the dirtiest jobs I've ever done. I can honestly say that I have never been as dirty as I was the day I spent 6 hours shoveling the world's dustiest mulch. This picture doesn't even convey the layers and layers of dirt I had all over me, and I mean ALL OVER ME! Just picture Buckwheat from the little rascals, put a white t-shirt on him and give him blue eyes.....that's what I looked like when it was all over.Lucky for you all, I had to wash my arms off before I could drive home and snap this lovely picture.

Blast from the Past

2006-07-13T17:06:00.000-07:00

Today, I became reaquainted with two friends from my childhood days. Now, before you share in my joy please know that I experienced no such thing from my time spent with these two. You see, they were not old classmates with whom I played freeze tag or even friends that I traded stickers with. No, they were, in fact, that menace known as the fire ant and his annoying relative the chigger.

I realize that some of you who reside north of the Mason Dixon Line are not cursed by the fire ant and for that you should sing praises to God. Because there are few insects in this world that can inflict pain the way those little buggers can. About the only way to avoid red bumps all over your legs is to revert back to what we called growing up, "the doobie dance". This is merely you, after being attacked by said fire ants, stomping your legs up and down furiously, appearing to be calling rain down from the heavens, and praying that they fall off your legs as you pound them into the ground.

The second pest that came to revisit me was the infamous chigger. Now let me just preface this by saying that I wish chigger bites on no man. They have got to be the itchiest things ever. I only found out yesterday from my mom that the reason they itch so badly is because those stupid things are alive while they dig into your skin. That fact, in and of itself, is enough to make you hate them and the painful bites they leave. And it's not like a mosquito bite either. Mosquitoes go for arms and legs and any other piece of flesh exposed. The sneaky little chigger opts to travel to the places that can't be itched in public.

I realize this may seem like nothing much to some, but those of you who have this opinion have obviously never been visited by childhood friends.

People like these

2006-06-25T16:44:00.000-07:00

It's becoming more and more clear to me the treasure that true friendship is. I don't mean those friendships where you merely go bowling and laugh all the time, although those are good. I'm talking about true friendships; the kind that challenge you and encourage you. I have been fortunate to make several friendships like that and last weekend was able to spend time enjoying them. It didn't hurt that I got to spend time with my friends listening to The David Crowder Band, Jeremy Camp, John Reuben, and tobymac either. However, I have found that it really doesn't matter where, when or how I get to spend time with my friends. It is a blessing to me simply to be around them. So, to Erin.....thank you for challenging me to grow and encouraging me to be me. My life is better because you're in it. Thanks for keeping it real.
And to Sarah....thank you for always being there for me and showing me what friendship means. I thank my God upon every remembrance of you! And oh yeah....thanks to Matty Lee for loving my girl the way that you do and giving me hope that there are a few good ones left out there (Write that book!). I love you guys!

For those of you....

2006-06-07T20:03:00.000-07:00

Today, while I was driving in my car, I heard an interesting new development in the world that continues to make excuses for poor behavior.

For those of you who have ever been cut off in traffic and almost immediately began shouting profanities at someone who couldn't even hear you - this is for you.

For those of you who raise your voice and slam on the gas pedal when you are forced to strategically maneuver around someone driving ten miles under the speed limit - this is for you.

Sleep easy tonite knowing that these behaviors are no longer considered merely to be "road rage". They have now been officially labeled and you have been diagnosed.

May your suffering be minimal as you are forced to live with your, and I quote,
"Intermittent Rage Disorder"

Summertime

2006-05-30T18:30:00.000-07:00

There are so many reasons my heart is happy when summer finally arrives. The obvious reasons would be the warm (or suffocatingly hot) weather, the longer daylight hours, or all of the blooming trees and flowers. However, I'm learning to appreciate the little things in life and have come to realize one of the best things about summer is......

ICE COLD WATERMELON!! AHHHHHHH!

Rendezvous

2006-05-28T07:47:00.000-07:00

This past Thursday I was able to catch up with Megan and Leslie, which proves to be more and more difficult the farther they walk on the Appalachian Trail. Last time I saw them was in Franklin, NC about a month or so ago. This time, I caught up with them in Wythesville, VA. They needed a ride to the thriving metropololis of Pearisburg, Virginia and I was more than glad to resprise my role as the AT Shuttle. It only took me about four hours to get there and it was worth it. I can easily forget how much I miss my friends and even more so just how much I crave interaction with people my own age. I miss them! It was good to see them. We ended up staying in this five-star establishment called the "Rendezvous Motel" and the name pretty much says it all. It was sketchy on so many levels, but the time with friends was priceless. They're only about a fourth of the way in; 630 miles or so. They've got a long way to go still and I'm sure I will be willing to go a long way to catch up with them again. Who knows when or where that will be, but I can't wait!

a little bit of heaven

2006-05-21T18:09:00.000-07:00

So as I stated in my previous blog, today I celebrated my 26th birthday. On one's birthday, in keeping with the good old Southern tradition, it is customary for that person to choose the menu for their birthday dinner. I am not one to break tradition. After gorging myself in true "big haw" fashion, I got to indulge it what has become one of my most favorite desserts: Butter Pecan Cake! I mention this tidbit of information only to spread the love that one only encounters when tasting this unbelievable treat. If you have never had it - TRY IT! As you can tell by the look on my face.....it's a little piece of Heaven on Earth! SIMPLY DIVINE!!!!

Happy Birthday To Me!!!!!

2006-05-21T08:08:00.000-07:00

So, yeah! Today is my 26th birthday and to be quite honest, it feels like every other one I've ever had. The only difference, in my mind, is the fact that 30 is looming ever-closer on the horizon. Not that 30 is a number to be feared, but I guess that number makes me think of all the things I've yet to do in my life that society implies I should have already done. Who makes these rules? Who sets these cookie cutter goals for everyone? If I've learned anything over the past year it is that everyone is different; everyone has a different path to take in life; and ultimately everyone's fulfillment in life is not held in a 9-to-5 job, a husband and 2.5 children, or a 401K.

True fulfillment lies in finding God's plan for your life and living in that reality. That plan just might involve a husband and children, or it may not. It may involve a 9-to-5 job that allows you to have a nest egg put away for retirement, or it may not. I don't know what anyone else's plan looks like anymore than I know what my own future looks like. However, I do know, and can state with certainty, that my path does not look like anyone else's and my path has been paved already. The trick is, finding the courage and faith to stay on that path even when it bends and curves out of sight ahead of me. So as I celebrate another year, I renew my strength and take the next step on MY path.

The Pledge

2006-04-23T08:40:00.000-07:00

Due to the extremely nice weather the past several weeks, I have been working pretty long hours which seriously cuts into my "internet time". This, along with my fatigue at the end of each day, is the reason that my blog has not had a post in over a week. Granted, I have basically no new or exciting news to share, but I'm sure that someone, somewhere gets their jollies from reading my sporatic posts. Due to that realization, I have purposed to do a better job at keeping the world informed on the life and times of Beka Dean, however boring it may be. So with that said.....stay tuned for my next enthralling and capitivating post; guaranteed to knock your socks off.

Get ready Lana.....it's coming very very soon!

Their journey begins....

2006-04-05T17:43:00.000-07:00

Yesterday seemed like the longest day I've experienced for awhile. I woke up at 7:00 in order to drive my friends Megan and Leslie to Northern Georgia, so that they could begin their six month hike of the Appalachian Trail. For those of you that don't know what that is; the Appalachian Trail is a footpath beginning in Northern Georgia and ending in Maine, touching 14 different states and spanning approximately 2,100 miles. It's a hike! And I do mean a very long hike. Megan and Leslie have chosen to walk the 2,100 miles this year and I was fortunate enough to drop them off at their starting point: Springer Mountain.

It took us a little longer to get there than we had anticipated, but I was kind of glad to get to spend at least a little more time with them. The final stage of our search for Springer Mountain led us to Forest Service Road #42, which wound around the side of the mountain for six and a half miles. The road was really rough and had I not been driving an SUV, I think I might have strewn bits and pieces of my car all over the side of that mountain. Anyway, once we reached the top, Megan and Leslie got their packs out of the car, put on their boots and prepared to begin the six-month long walk to Maine. It was a time of mixed emotions for me, as I'm sure it is anyone who knows these two awesome girls. I felt extremely jealous that I could not go with them this time around. I felt excited for them to accomplish this unbelievable goal. I felt a little worried that they would remain safe throughout the journey. And I felt a little sad that I would not have them around anymore, at least not for awhile. I have all the confidence in the world that they will finish their journey and I have every intention of being in Maine to cheer them to the top of Mt. Katahdin. If you think about it, pray for these girls that they would have a safe and awesome six months and that God will reveal himself to them in a way that they have only, to this point, read about. I look forward to hearing their stories from along the way and seeing the ways in which they change while they spend six months in the wilderness. Walk on girls! Walk on!

The Art of Me

2006-03-22T07:16:00.000-08:00

As I was driving home last night, I found myself heading into a canvas of brilliant colors, each one seeming to separate itself from the next distinctive layer of skyline. It really was beautiful and I found myself, yet again, amazed by my God. He is the author and creator of fashion and beauty and we have only to look outside to see His work. As I pulled my car to the side of the road to snap this picture, I couldn't help but see my life as a skyline-like canvas on which God paints. There is a color or brush-stroke attacked to each situation and circumstance I encounter and my Heavenly Father is using them to create a masterpiece with my life. I do not know what the end result may be and to the world of critics it may look like a worthless piece of art, but I know that the Creator loves everything about it and has molded and created it for His glory and His purpose. And isn't that the true nature of art: creating something you love in spite of criticism and something that is, in essence, a little piece of yourself? To Him I am a priceless piece of art, bought with the blood of His Son, and created by Him and for Him for His glory and enjoyment.

Chicken Little He's Not!

2006-03-14T15:54:00.000-08:00

At first glance, this may look like a normal, barnyard rooster. However, trust me when I tell you he is possessed! I'm housesitting for my boss, while he and his family are in Mississippi, and one of the things I have to do every day is let the chickens out and collect the eggs. So Monday night I go out and let the innocent creatures out of their coop and instantly find myself being charged by foghorn leghorn here! If you've never had chickens or been around them at all, you really don't understand the fear this particular instance struck in me. You see, roosters have these huge spurs, or claws, on their legs that can do some serious damage and I got a good look at his when he started charging me. My first instinct was to lunge at it, the way you do a dog that's chasing you. Well, that didn't work. It really just ticked him off and he kept coming at me. So my next option was to take my shoes off and throw them at him, one at a time. The first shoe missed him entirely, but the second shoe landed squarely on his right side. This discouraged him enough that he turned and went to find the hens. So, he's gone and I'm thinking it's all clear to go get the eggs. So I go inside the chicken house and collect the four eggs, but to my horror I found him waiting for me outside the coop. I had managed to bring a mop down with me but had foolishly left it outside the pen. So there I am, trapped in a chicken coop, holding four eggs and nothing to defend myself with. Every time I would try to come out of the fence, there he was ready to lunge at my leg. I must have looked pretty funny out there....and when I say out there, I mean I was trapped out there for ten minutes. I finally realized that the only way to escape was to put the eggs down, slide my hand out and grab the mop and then shake it in his face as I came out of the fence. So, that's what I did and successfully escaped with my life, but with a little less of my pride. Needless to say, he's been on house arrest for two days.

Gotta Love It!

2006-03-01T17:15:00.000-08:00

Just thought I would share the beautiful weather with those of you who are suffering through frigid winters. They may fly rebel flags down here and deep fry everything, but you've got to love the weather!

He knows

2006-03-01T15:03:00.000-08:00

So I haven't posted in a few days and to be honest, it's because nothing new has happened and I really don't have that much to say. I am just trying to take every day as it comes, continuing to trust that although the view of the future I have is vague, if not comletely clouded, there is One who knows exactly where I'm headed and knows just when to let me know where I'm going. My mom gave me a book awhile ago entitled, "I'm Glad You Know Where We're Going Lord" and I find myself echoing that sentiment. I'm glad He knows what's going on because I'm constantly confused by life and this world I'm passing through. And you know what? There is total peace and complete freedom in living your life with Him in control. You can say that you believe He's in control, but unless you live our life in a way that exercises that faith......you really don't believe it. That's truly been an "ah hah" idea for me. Am I living what I say I believe? It may appear foolish to some, but once you've experienced what it feels like to completely trust Him and rest in Him.....you'll know what I'm saying. I still struggle and daily have to yield everything to him (my future, my heart, my life), but it's worth it because I know He is much more equipped to handle things. So yeah.....I'm glad you know where we're going Lord!

RIP Ranger Rick

2006-02-24T18:30:00.000-08:00

I'm not sure how this news will be received by any and all who read my blog, but this afternoon I had my first hunting "encounter". I am unsure as to whether or not it even qualifies as hunting, but the end result is the same: a dead critter.

Now before everyone goes and gets all animal activistic on me, the animal was sick and I was putting it out of its misery, per the game warden's instructions. However, the fact remains the same that I did, in fact, shoot a racoon this afternoon. Mark it down. Here's how it all came about....

This morning when I woke up, I decided it would be a good day for some target practice, since it was almost seventy degrees today. So I drove to the property where we've been working all week and took my gun down in the woods to shoot. I was perched on a stump and aiming at a coke bottle when I heard some leaves rustle behind me. I knew it couldn't be anything really big or scary, but I was a little startled. I turned my head to see this coon sitting on a log, not two feet off the ground. I shot a couple more rounds off and he didn't move at all. I thought that was odd so I started climbing the embankment towards him to see if he was hurt or something like that. It's extremely odd for a wild coon to be out in the daytime for one, and not run away after hearing gun shots for another. Once I got to the top of the hill and was about ten feet away from the thing and it still didn't move, I knew it had to be hurt or sick. Now, by this time my boss and his son had arrived on the scene and they agreed with me that something had to be wrong with it. I mean, my boss at one point was petting the nasty beast! So we called the game warden and told him what the situation was and he explained that the coon was sick and needed to be killed and buried. So.....that's what I need. I shot it and it is now in the bottom of a hole in Pickens County. RIPRanger Rick!

The picture was taken before I shot it, obviously, but I was able to get about two feet from it to take the picture. I thought it would be best not to post the "after" picture. It wasn't a pretty sight, but then again dead things usually aren't aesthetically pleasing to the eye. I know this may change the opinion that some of you have of me, but I wanted to share my experience with all who will listen. And before you go getting worried that I've turned into some redneck, I've just got to say one thing......"GIT R DONE"!!!!

Stumphouse Tunnel

2006-02-21T08:24:00.000-08:00

In the early 1950's, construction began on the Blue Ridge Rail Line project in an attempt to connect Charleston, SC to Knoxville, TN. By the late 1850's, the line reached Anderson, SC, but Stumphouse Mountain proved to be an obstacle. Irish immigrants began working 12 hours a day, six days a week, trying to get through the solid granite rock. Crews were digging at both ends of the tunnel, going merely 200 ft. per month, and cut 1600 ft. into the mountain when funds ran out in 1859. The economic crisis in post Civil War South Carolina meant there was no money available to complete the project and it remains unfinished to this day.

We found this little roadside gem completely by accident, but it turned out to be the coolest part about the day. We had to run back to the car and get a flashlight to go into the tunnel because it was so dark in there and even then it was a little freaky! The tunnel is huge, large enough for a train to fit through, and I was fascinated by the story behind it. One of the most interesting facts about the tunnel is that it remains 56 degrees, with 85% humidity, inside the tunnel year-round.

One last hurrah!

2006-02-21T08:08:00.000-08:00

Since Leslie is leaving next month for her Appalachian Trail through-hike, we decided to go out on one last adventure. This is the first falls we hiked to and tt was a fairly easy, one hour hike. This is us at "Hidden Falls".
The final falls we hiked to was "Station Cove Falls" in Oconee Station State Park. This is me and Leslie at the base of "Station Cove Falls".
This is me at "Issaqueena Falls". There is a really cool legend behind this falls. It was actually named for a legendary Indian maiden. The falls are a 100 foot drop and one of the coolest falls I've seen yet.
I saw this tree and just had to hug it. I'm a little sore today and wishing I would have stretched out before I did it, but it was hilarious and I couldn't pass up the opportunity to be a real-life tree hugger!

Still sweating....

2006-02-12T06:47:00.000-08:00

This past week I continued to work like a dog on the concrete patios, all three of them, and also putting in the rock pathway above. Some of the rocks were ginormous and carrying them down that hill was a little tough, but I think it turned out pretty well. The final stages on the patios are to scrub the rocks with a wire brush and get all the dried concrete off of them. Now there's a forearm workout.....I could crack a pecan in my forearm I think! I guess it's a valuable skill to know, should I ever need to install my own concrete patio. The final stages at this job are the landscaping and the top picture is the first phase of that: the front of the house. I continue to learn about and be thankful for the good gifts from my Father!

At Kristin Marcuccilli's request:

2006-02-12T06:29:00.000-08:00

This is a pic of "Triple Falls" in North Carolina. Very cool!
This is "Looking Glass Falls" and it is actually right on the side of the road as you're driving through Pisgah National Forest. It's not just anywhere you can pull your car over and see something like this. And for the record....It was freezing down there at the base of the falls and Leslie didn't give me a countdown or anything before she took this lovely shot!
This is "High Falls" and was honestly one of the prettiest waterfalls I've seen to date. We were able to hike to the very top and sit pretty close to the edge. Leslie was gonna be brave and climb even closer to the edge, but after a little slippy slip on the rock face she decided against it. Smart girl!

He hideth my soul.....

2006-02-08T17:28:00.000-08:00

The picture is a bit humorous, I know, but it really brought to my memory this old hymn...

He hideth my soul in the cleft of the rock
That shadows a dry, thirsty land;
He hideth my life in the depths of his love,
And covers me there with his hand.

There are so many things in this world that threaten to steal my joy and my contentment, but it is refreshing to know that no matter what I am going through; no matter what comes into my life; no matter how low I feel.......my future is in His hands and His nail-pierced hands covers me and shield my life. And like my Daddy always taught me, "Nothing ever comes into my life that does not first pass through the permissive will of God".

A wonderful Savior is Jesus, my Lord.
A wonderful Savior to me!

One of our many adventures

2006-02-05T15:25:00.000-08:00

I'll have to admit that I never cease to be amazed by the beauty of God's creation. Even if it takes you eight hours to be able to see it, it's worth every drop of sweat and cramp you have on the way!

After hiking for six hours straight, sometimes you just need to take a break and survey your surroundings. We call this one....."Lewis & Clark"!

I made Leslie take a picture of this mother of a mountain before we began our trek to the top. And let me just say that they don't call it Hospital Rock for nothing. Whew!

His perfect timing

2006-02-05T15:20:00.000-08:00

After one month of unemployment, I'll have to admit that I was getting pretty discouraged about ever finding a job. I found myself pretty depleted financially and I was seriously beginning to worry about how I was going to make ends meet. Just when I found myself completely drained emotionally and extremely frustrated with my whole situation, my Abba stepped in and proved himself to me in a way that I have, up until then, never experienced. He opened a door for me to beginning working for a landscaping company here in Greenville and it was clear that He opened the door. He waited until the last minute to step in and show me that He was still in control and was looking after His child.

The picture above is of a stone patio that I helped install last week. We layed all the stones out and I grouted the whole thing in by hand, using a large concrete pastry bag. I am still paying the price of handling concrete with my bare hands....they're peeling like mad. I'm not sure I've ever worked so hard in my and that's taking into account all my years of bailing hay and shoveling horse manure. I am just overwhelmed and amazed by my Father's love and care. He knows exactly what I need and exactly when I need it. It talks about His looking out for us in Matthew and I can honestly say that I've seen it first hand. Our Heavenly Father knows what I need and wants to give me good gifts. I find rest and comfort in knowing that I can rest in my Father's care. Oh how sweet to trust in Jesus!